“The idea is to handle the separation with a lot of honest communication, respect for the other person, and with the ability to reach mutual agreements. Understanding must govern, to decide what is best for the children in terms of their education, food, free time, and extracurricular activities”, emphasizes Antonella Galli, cognitive behavioral psychotherapist of our clinic, who teaches us how to cope with a divorce most appropriately in search of the welfare of the children.

Parents need to consider the following recommendations:

• Avoid delegating to children responsibilities that are not theirs. For example, in some cases, parents ask their children to decide on scheduling arrangements, time-sharing, among other aspects. This could generate a load of stress for them since it is not their responsibility but that of both parents.
• Maintain respect and cordiality between both parents. The parents need to maintain a good relationship, where respect prevails, avoiding speaking ill of the ex-spouse in front of the children, or making negative comparisons that may hurt them. For example, phrases such as: “You take as long as your mother” or “You are messy like your father” can cause identity problems in children. Children must grow up with emotional stability and solid affection for both parents.
• To assume the divorce in the best possible way. For this, both spouses must assimilate and accept the situation. In some cases, one of the spouses may fall into denial, however, they must be aware of what they are experiencing not only on a personal level but also reflect on how their children, whether they are children or adolescents, may feel.
• Be attentive to any behavioral changes that may occur in their children. Parents must observe their children’s behavior and be attentive to situations that may alert or indicate that something is not right, either at home or at school.
• Maintain good communication with the children. Both parents should seek constant dialogue with their children so that they can learn about their thoughts and emotions.

Remember:

• Not all children process the divorce of their parents in the same way, the age factor also counts. Older children will be better able to express their feelings and opinions. In the case of younger children, they will have more difficulty in identifying and expressing what they feel.
• It is advisable to have the help of a professional who can provide the necessary guidance in these cases, especially for the younger ones, so that they can learn to process their emotions through child therapy.

Antonella Galli
Cognitive behavioral psychotherapist at Clínica Ricardo Palma