Many times, saying “no” to a colleague or friend leaves us with a feeling of guilt, but the reality is that sometimes setting limits brings many personal benefits.

It is very common to do favors for our immediate environment, but exaggerating and not knowing how to set limits with others can bring several consequences. Therefore, as we become adults we realize that we are unable to say no. This can end up generating in us feelings of low self-esteem, guilt and frustration.

The only obstacle would be guilt when starting to put these limits, since we are not used to it and we believe that we can lose relationships. But to avoid this guilt, we can begin to follow different guidelines recommended by the psychologist Mary Castro at Clinica Ricardo Palma.

The guilt of not feeling limits

Setting limits is an extremely complicated task, but the feeling of guilt makes us carry out tasks, even if we do not feel the desire to carry them out.

“This happens because we believe that by putting ourselves first we think that the other person may feel bad, we think that they are not going to like us. We are afraid of disapproval because by setting limits they stop everything they want to do. In addition, there is a fear that they will no longer count on me or they will no longer call me to do other activities,” says Castro.

Thinking of ourselves is extremely important and brings benefits such as:

• Be more autonomous
• Be firm with my decisions

“It is something that we must teach our children, explain to them that if something does not seem good to them or they consider that it may make them feel bad or uncomfortable, they must express it assertively and say that they will not do it, without feeling guilty. If the person does not learn to set limits in time, this can become saturated, causing frustration and discomfort, “adds the specialist.

Tips to avoid feeling guilty

1. Prioritize: Understand and be aware of what we want and do not want for ourselves. Sometimes you can’t please everyone.
2. Think: People are not going to like me more or less if I accept what they want to do.
3. Understand: Things must be done according to my comfort, safety and integrity.

Mg. Mary Castro

Psychologist at Clinica Ricardo Palma

Source: www.elcomercio.pe