“Mommy, mommy, a UFO came and broke the vase”. There are many reasons why a child begins to lie: fear of punishment because he/she did something wrong, desire to look good in front of authority figures, to not feel less than other children (because they do not have what others do) or simply exaggerate in front of others to be admired. Dr. Carmen Bravo de Rueda, psychologist of our clinic, gives us valuable recommendations on how to deal with these situations with the little ones at home.

Is it normal for my little one to lie?

Children under the age of 7 can sometimes confuse reality with fantasy. However, when they are older and can tell truth from fiction, it is important to correct them and talk to them about the importance and benefits of always telling the truth and acting honestly, as well as the consequences of lying.

The importance of educating by example

Parents should teach by example and not lie or tell “half-truths”, much less in front of their children because it will only confuse them. They should be a good role model. “Children observe their parents’ behaviors and learn from them. They should not forget that,” emphasizes our specialist.

What should be done if the child lies for fear of punishment?

• Analyze why your child lied. If your child is afraid of being punished when he/she makes a mistake or gets into mischief, he/she will not feel safe to tell you the truth. In these circumstances, it is better to keep calm so that he/she will be encouraged to tell you why he/she is acting this way. When he/she has confessed, congratulate him/her and tell him/her that you like him/her very much for being honest.
• If your cocky kid tells you that he/she lied to avoid doing a homework assignment, teach him/her that this habit can have serious consequences. For example, a bad grade, the teacher calling them in for a meeting, or even having to take remedial courses to catch up with the rest of their classmates. It is important that they understand this message.

Be patient and educate without shouting

If you notice your child lying, don’t abuse or threaten him/her. This will scare him/her , but it will not correct him/her. It is important that you teach him/her why he/she should not lie. For younger children there are stories like Pinocchio, which will show them that lies have consequences, and others like Pedro El Honrado, where the truth is rewarded and valued.

How should a lie be dealt with depending on the age of the child?

Keep in mind that a lie from a small child, who may be mixing his fantasy with reality, is not the same as a lie from a child with use of reason who lies to obtain a benefit. To the first one you can say: “sure you would like that to happen and to achieve it you must do this or that”. To the second, you should speak calmly but firmly and emphasize that his/her behavior is not correct. In addition, it should be made clear to the child that if he/she lies again, he/she will have to face the consequences of his/her behavior.

Dra. Carmen Bravo de Rueda
Psychologist at Clínica Ricardo Palma